I went ahead and flew to LA yesterday with Mike. He will be working during the day, and we had been planning on sight-seeing a bit in the evenings. I figured that all the alone time might be a good thing if I put my mind to relaxing.
Lately, I have been pretty much an emotional roller-coaster. Most of the time, I am totally OK. I know we can try again soon, I'm glad I can drink and go tubing at the lake, and I'm glad the morning sickness is gone. Sometimes, though, I feel really weak. If I think too hard or let myself feel too much I feel empty and useless. I know it's not true, but I almost feel like less of a woman right now. I failed at carrying a baby, I can't be "romantic", and I am not very motivated to do anything, so what am I good for? Intellectually, I know that's ridiculous, but I still have a hard time not letting that insecurity seep in when I'm at my weakest.
I'm gonna be fine though. I have this whole week in California to clear my mind, and then I'm going to the lake with my friends and family this weekend. I think sunshine, good company, waves, and beer, will do me some good.
It was all just a very bad nightmare, and after enough good dreams, it will be just a distant memory.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I really think the feeling less like a woman thing is totally normal Kat, but I do believe it passes. I have struggled with it a lot myself, but I don't feel it anymore... so I hope it will pass for you too.
ReplyDeleteI hope California turns out to be exactly what you need lady. Let yourself feel this... but know you will be OK too.