Tomorrow we are gonna be homeowners.
I am really really excited! So excited I could pee my pants! I can't wait to put my dishes in the cabinets and hang my clothes up in the walk-in. I even bought 10 packs of 10 hangers so that they will all match and we can throw away all the wire ones. I know I'm a little cooky. I can't wait to snuggle in the master and kiss in the kitchen. I'm even excited to brush my teeth and wash my clothes there. Hip-Hip-Hooray!
I'm also really nervous. Our bank account is gonna shrink immensely tomorrow. it's also gonna be smaller ever month. That means no more random shopping sprees. No more carts full of groceries at Costco. But it will be sooo worth it. (Someone please remind me that when I'm venting about being broke in a few weeks.)
Wish us luck!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Patching
I've realized that I was too cocky- too overly confident.
I thought the strong love we have for each other would make us immune to struggles. I thought my better-than-average communication skills would steer us clear of rough waters. I thought what I have learned from others mistakes would be enough.
I was wrong.
I am learning every day. I realized that I sure don't know everything about what it means to be married. I know we have a sturdy foundation, but that doesn't mean that their aren't shallow and superficial cracks sometimes. If we acknowledge them and patch them up then they won't get deeper and more detrimental. Sometimes it's embarrassing when other people notice those little cracks or when they see the evidence of them. Public scuffles and outward frustration are not things I'm proud of. I want everyone to know how much we love each other and how wonderful he is. When they see the yucky stuff it's hard to look past.
But I'm learning.
I'm learning that everyone is learning. No one has it completely figured out. Not even cocky, confident, head-over-heels-in-love me. I'm learning to be more forgiving to others when they aren't perfect, and not to expect perfection of my own relationship.
I didn't think it would be so hard. I didn't think I would ever doubt my strength to overcome those struggles. God restored my strength.
Mike is a wonderful man. When he makes a commitment, he will stick to it no matter what. I could sense that about him when I first started spending time with him. I think that's a big part of why I fell in love with him. I know he will never give up. I know he will never let go. But then I started having a new worry. He will always love me, but does he like me? Does he want to come home to me at the end of the day? Can he look past my moodiness and still see my good side? Am I just a commitment? I was getting really scared and pushing away. It was a crack in our relationship and I was too scared to bring attention to it and patch it up.
Finally it got too deep to ignore. I kept tripping over my insecurity. Finally he noticed. He was brave enough to show me that not only does he love me more than anything, but he also LIKES me. He wants to spend time with me. He wants to wake up next to me. He is thankful every day that he married me. I can't even explain how relieved I am. I can't explain how much it means to me that he realized that I need reminders.
I am so thankful that God humbled me. I am so blessed to have a wonderful man who WANTS to patch up the holes. Today I feel so blessed. I'm grateful to have the love of my husband and the love of my Heavenly Father.
I thought the strong love we have for each other would make us immune to struggles. I thought my better-than-average communication skills would steer us clear of rough waters. I thought what I have learned from others mistakes would be enough.
I was wrong.
I am learning every day. I realized that I sure don't know everything about what it means to be married. I know we have a sturdy foundation, but that doesn't mean that their aren't shallow and superficial cracks sometimes. If we acknowledge them and patch them up then they won't get deeper and more detrimental. Sometimes it's embarrassing when other people notice those little cracks or when they see the evidence of them. Public scuffles and outward frustration are not things I'm proud of. I want everyone to know how much we love each other and how wonderful he is. When they see the yucky stuff it's hard to look past.
But I'm learning.
I'm learning that everyone is learning. No one has it completely figured out. Not even cocky, confident, head-over-heels-in-love me. I'm learning to be more forgiving to others when they aren't perfect, and not to expect perfection of my own relationship.
I didn't think it would be so hard. I didn't think I would ever doubt my strength to overcome those struggles. God restored my strength.
Mike is a wonderful man. When he makes a commitment, he will stick to it no matter what. I could sense that about him when I first started spending time with him. I think that's a big part of why I fell in love with him. I know he will never give up. I know he will never let go. But then I started having a new worry. He will always love me, but does he like me? Does he want to come home to me at the end of the day? Can he look past my moodiness and still see my good side? Am I just a commitment? I was getting really scared and pushing away. It was a crack in our relationship and I was too scared to bring attention to it and patch it up.
Finally it got too deep to ignore. I kept tripping over my insecurity. Finally he noticed. He was brave enough to show me that not only does he love me more than anything, but he also LIKES me. He wants to spend time with me. He wants to wake up next to me. He is thankful every day that he married me. I can't even explain how relieved I am. I can't explain how much it means to me that he realized that I need reminders.
I am so thankful that God humbled me. I am so blessed to have a wonderful man who WANTS to patch up the holes. Today I feel so blessed. I'm grateful to have the love of my husband and the love of my Heavenly Father.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
A bad feeling
I left work in a good mood. I was actually enjoying the gray weather. My good mood gradually started turning yucky for no good reason. I went to the fabric store with M to try to find fabric to recover the seat cushions on the kitchen table we are refinishing. We found nothing. When we left the store it was blizzarding. On the way home I got a call from G, he sounded really upset. He wanted to talk to M. I thought he was crying. My heart sunk and I got panicky and sweaty. Turns out he was just being impatient. Too bad my heart was still in my stomach. Mike wanted to be all affectionate when I got home. I wasn't in the mood for kisses and squeezes. I still didn't know why.
And then my dad called...
He said, "you know Flicka?"
"Of course I know Flicka" (My 18 yr. old cousin)
"Well, she had her appendix taken out a few days ago"
"Uh-huh"
"They did a routine biopsy on it and it came back positive. She has cancer."
Flicka is a year younger than my little sister. She is only 18. My sister and I split our summers between M&G's house in New England and our Dad's family in Washington state. I always hung out with Chelsey while my sister and Flicka tagged along. We were the big girls and they were the little girls. What do you do when one of the little girls is sick and scared? I really feel helpless and gross. I'm not close enough to call right now. I don't even have her phone number. I don't know what to do. I'm trying not to cry. I'm scared for her.
And then my dad called...
He said, "you know Flicka?"
"Of course I know Flicka" (My 18 yr. old cousin)
"Well, she had her appendix taken out a few days ago"
"Uh-huh"
"They did a routine biopsy on it and it came back positive. She has cancer."
Flicka is a year younger than my little sister. She is only 18. My sister and I split our summers between M&G's house in New England and our Dad's family in Washington state. I always hung out with Chelsey while my sister and Flicka tagged along. We were the big girls and they were the little girls. What do you do when one of the little girls is sick and scared? I really feel helpless and gross. I'm not close enough to call right now. I don't even have her phone number. I don't know what to do. I'm trying not to cry. I'm scared for her.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Sunny Rooms
How is it that some people can just light up the room? When my grandparents were gone I hated this house. It felt cold and dark and damp and it smelled bad all the time. I took out the garbage, I opened the windows, I wiped down the counters, and ran the garbage disposal. It was still yucky. I told Mike every day that I hated living in this house. I really appreciate that I am able to stay here. I know how blessed we are to have a few months off from rent or a mortgage payment, but I was still frustrated.
Now M & G are here. The house is sunny. It smells like coffee and bean soup. We sit in the living room together without the tv on and just relax. It is so comfortable with other people in the same room. Other people that love you and that you love. Other people who use the stove and fill the refrigerator and wipe down the counters. It feels lived in. I love this house today. I still wish I had a place to put my blow dryer and hang my cardigans, but I will gladly give that up to share this house with them. Actually they are sharing it with me.
In 9 DAYS I will have my own house to make a home. I hope I can make it feel sunny like they do. I think I can. Especially with their help and a lot of ideas of my own. I can imagine yellow walls and cozy blue throws, fresh flowers and scented candles. It's gonna be lovely.
Now M & G are here. The house is sunny. It smells like coffee and bean soup. We sit in the living room together without the tv on and just relax. It is so comfortable with other people in the same room. Other people that love you and that you love. Other people who use the stove and fill the refrigerator and wipe down the counters. It feels lived in. I love this house today. I still wish I had a place to put my blow dryer and hang my cardigans, but I will gladly give that up to share this house with them. Actually they are sharing it with me.
In 9 DAYS I will have my own house to make a home. I hope I can make it feel sunny like they do. I think I can. Especially with their help and a lot of ideas of my own. I can imagine yellow walls and cozy blue throws, fresh flowers and scented candles. It's gonna be lovely.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Grey Area
I really don't like disliking people. I think it is much easier to be friendly. But what do you do when you have been someone's friend and they keep giving you good reasons to move on? Once you get burned enough times, you learn to stop putting your hand in the fire, right? I just feel guilt for having these bad feelings. Especially when it feels like I'm the only one who sees the negative side of that person. If God calls us to love our neighbor, what are we supposed to do if they just don't deserve your friendship? The worst part is that most of the time these people are very likable. They are charismatic to everyone they meet, and they are always nice to your face, but the second you aren't in the room they have something nasty to say. They also make snide little comments about your other friends or people you care about when they aren't around, so you know they must say the same things about you. When I see them, it is just so easy to get pulled in and act like nothing is wrong and you are best friends again, but then when I get home I feel awful for being unreal.
I realize that everyone has their faults. I realize that everyone deserves respect, even when they aren't respectful. I understand that I gossip about people sometimes, even though I know I shouldn't. I know sometimes i get caught up in drama just for the purpose of having something interesting to talk about. Because I know I'm not perfect, I try not to expect others to be. If I expected perfection, I wouldn't have ANY friends. But where do you draw he line and how do you do so politely? I don't know how to be civil with these people who have burned me so many times. I only know how to be friends or enemies. The grey area is confusing.
How do you be real and honest about your frustration towards that person while still being respectful? I think I need to figure out the answer to that question because right now I am failing miserably and making myself look ridiculous.
I realize that everyone has their faults. I realize that everyone deserves respect, even when they aren't respectful. I understand that I gossip about people sometimes, even though I know I shouldn't. I know sometimes i get caught up in drama just for the purpose of having something interesting to talk about. Because I know I'm not perfect, I try not to expect others to be. If I expected perfection, I wouldn't have ANY friends. But where do you draw he line and how do you do so politely? I don't know how to be civil with these people who have burned me so many times. I only know how to be friends or enemies. The grey area is confusing.
How do you be real and honest about your frustration towards that person while still being respectful? I think I need to figure out the answer to that question because right now I am failing miserably and making myself look ridiculous.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The luck o the Irish
I am literally giddy right now!
My ticket is paid and my accident is officially behind me!
My grandparents will be here tomorrow!
My sister will be here tomorrow, too!
No work tomorrow!
I can here kids giggling outside!
The sun is shining!
I have Irish car bombs, green beer, and lovely friends to look forward to tonight!
AND
I now have an IRISH last name. On St. Pattys!! I think I need a "Kiss me I'm Irish" pin now! I always used to think they were dumb because I'm not Irish and I felt left out, but now if anyone asks me if I'm Irish I can say, "Duh, my last name is Whelan!"
My ticket is paid and my accident is officially behind me!
My grandparents will be here tomorrow!
My sister will be here tomorrow, too!
No work tomorrow!
I can here kids giggling outside!
The sun is shining!
I have Irish car bombs, green beer, and lovely friends to look forward to tonight!
AND
I now have an IRISH last name. On St. Pattys!! I think I need a "Kiss me I'm Irish" pin now! I always used to think they were dumb because I'm not Irish and I felt left out, but now if anyone asks me if I'm Irish I can say, "Duh, my last name is Whelan!"
Monday, March 15, 2010
Blessed
I'm sitting here drinking a beer and relaxing after a 3 hour nap. I think that makes me pretty lucky. It makes me think about all of the ways that I am blessed. Last week I felt like crap and I didn't have many nice things to say at all so I just stayed away from my blog. Now, I'm feeling guilty for all those yucky thoughts. I really don't have an excuse for being ungrateful. I have a wonderful life. That's what I have been realizing over the last few days.
I am so grateful for the people who love me.
Sometimes I don't feel that I am worthy of being loved. But, for some silly reason they still do. Even when I'm cranky and mean and moody, they still love me. They may not like me all the time, but love never goes away.
I am still working on living in the moment. I yearn for things I don't have yet. I have to keep reminding myself that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. Isn't that amazing??
And for something to look forward to, we close on our house two weeks from wednesday. I am so so excited. I can't wait to make it ours.
Also, I heard the following words on friday night: "You're right. I was being childish and I wish I had handled it differently".
I almost passed out and shit my pants when I heard that come out of his mouth. I will never bring it up again. I am more content with that response than I ever imagined. That issue is laid to rest.
Overall, I am blessed.
I am so grateful for the people who love me.
Sometimes I don't feel that I am worthy of being loved. But, for some silly reason they still do. Even when I'm cranky and mean and moody, they still love me. They may not like me all the time, but love never goes away.
I am still working on living in the moment. I yearn for things I don't have yet. I have to keep reminding myself that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. Isn't that amazing??
And for something to look forward to, we close on our house two weeks from wednesday. I am so so excited. I can't wait to make it ours.
Also, I heard the following words on friday night: "You're right. I was being childish and I wish I had handled it differently".
I almost passed out and shit my pants when I heard that come out of his mouth. I will never bring it up again. I am more content with that response than I ever imagined. That issue is laid to rest.
Overall, I am blessed.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Rainbow Colors
This little angel boy got me sick. It's a good thing he's so darn stinkin cute- isn't he??!! I am currently coughing up hard loogies in rainbow colors. The last one was orange and green. I have no idea how phlegm turns orange. All I know is that my cough is comparable to Tucker's (my little brother's beagle) pathetic bark.
I shouldn't be surprised that I'm sick considering that I went home last Tuesday with my favorite "tissue tee" covered in snot. Literally covered. Adults can't catch croup my butt! If it is possible, I will catch it! Maybe it's in the grown up form of bronchitis, but whatever it is, it's nasty.
The main reason I'm so grouchy about being sick is that Jenni and her brand new baby boy are flying back to Idaho tomorrow. Today was set aside for spending time with them. Now I'm going to have to stay confined in my room with only my laptop and Bunny to keep me company.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Happy Birthday Seester!!
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to my seester
Happy Birthday to yoooouuuuu!!!
I love you sis
I love that you enjoy good food and wine
I love that we are becoming more alike than we ever thought we would be
I love you because you are my only sister
I love that you told me my butt is going to grow because i dipped my steak in butter
Yes, that's right, I dipped my steak in butter. We were at the melting pot for her birthday and I thought it sounded good. Have you ever been to the melting pot? It's a very gluttonous and wonderful place. You dip things in cheese, and then in wine, and then in chocolate. What could be wrong with that? I will never be thin because I just love food too much. Thank you God, for good food. Amen.
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to my seester
Happy Birthday to yoooouuuuu!!!
I love you sis
I love that you enjoy good food and wine
I love that we are becoming more alike than we ever thought we would be
I love you because you are my only sister
I love that you told me my butt is going to grow because i dipped my steak in butter
Yes, that's right, I dipped my steak in butter. We were at the melting pot for her birthday and I thought it sounded good. Have you ever been to the melting pot? It's a very gluttonous and wonderful place. You dip things in cheese, and then in wine, and then in chocolate. What could be wrong with that? I will never be thin because I just love food too much. Thank you God, for good food. Amen.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Update
It's March!!! That means we get to move in to our new house THIS MONTH!!! Hooray! I'm gonna go to Home Goods and see if there is anything I NEED for our new house...
A few updates:
The mom car is fixed and I must say, she looks even more beautiful than before.
The little guy is wearing big boy underpants and I'm pretty proud to say there have been no accidents yet today (although he likes to wear them backwards so he can see thomas the tank engine...looks pretty uncomfortable)
I had an amazing steak last night, but was disappointed to see that Mike's beer cost $15!!!!! Never order an imported beer at Del Friscos
A few updates:
The mom car is fixed and I must say, she looks even more beautiful than before.
The little guy is wearing big boy underpants and I'm pretty proud to say there have been no accidents yet today (although he likes to wear them backwards so he can see thomas the tank engine...looks pretty uncomfortable)
I had an amazing steak last night, but was disappointed to see that Mike's beer cost $15!!!!! Never order an imported beer at Del Friscos
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