A bad feeling

I left work in a good mood. I was actually enjoying the gray weather. My good mood gradually started turning yucky for no good reason. I went to the fabric store with M to try to find fabric to recover the seat cushions on the kitchen table we are refinishing. We found nothing. When we left the store it was blizzarding. On the way home I got a call from G, he sounded really upset. He wanted to talk to M. I thought he was crying. My heart sunk and I got panicky and sweaty. Turns out he was just being impatient. Too bad my heart was still in my stomach. Mike wanted to be all affectionate when I got home. I wasn't in the mood for kisses and squeezes. I still didn't know why.

And then my dad called...

He said, "you know Flicka?"
"Of course I know Flicka" (My 18 yr. old cousin)
"Well, she had her appendix taken out a few days ago"
"Uh-huh"
"They did a routine biopsy on it and it came back positive. She has cancer."

Flicka is a year younger than my little sister. She is only 18. My sister and I split our summers between M&G's house in New England and our Dad's family in Washington state. I always hung out with Chelsey while my sister and Flicka tagged along. We were the big girls and they were the little girls. What do you do when one of the little girls is sick and scared? I really feel helpless and gross. I'm not close enough to call right now. I don't even have her phone number. I don't know what to do. I'm trying not to cry. I'm scared for her.