I really don't like disliking people. I think it is much easier to be friendly. But what do you do when you have been someone's friend and they keep giving you good reasons to move on? Once you get burned enough times, you learn to stop putting your hand in the fire, right? I just feel guilt for having these bad feelings. Especially when it feels like I'm the only one who sees the negative side of that person. If God calls us to love our neighbor, what are we supposed to do if they just don't deserve your friendship? The worst part is that most of the time these people are very likable. They are charismatic to everyone they meet, and they are always nice to your face, but the second you aren't in the room they have something nasty to say. They also make snide little comments about your other friends or people you care about when they aren't around, so you know they must say the same things about you. When I see them, it is just so easy to get pulled in and act like nothing is wrong and you are best friends again, but then when I get home I feel awful for being unreal.
I realize that everyone has their faults. I realize that everyone deserves respect, even when they aren't respectful. I understand that I gossip about people sometimes, even though I know I shouldn't. I know sometimes i get caught up in drama just for the purpose of having something interesting to talk about. Because I know I'm not perfect, I try not to expect others to be. If I expected perfection, I wouldn't have ANY friends. But where do you draw he line and how do you do so politely? I don't know how to be civil with these people who have burned me so many times. I only know how to be friends or enemies. The grey area is confusing.
How do you be real and honest about your frustration towards that person while still being respectful? I think I need to figure out the answer to that question because right now I am failing miserably and making myself look ridiculous.
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Kat, you pretty much totally just described a situation I was in about a year ago. I had to pull away. I had no choice. I try not to be a gossipy catty person, but I kept getting sucked into it. Even though I had said multiple times that the gossip was getting to be too much, it just continued. AND, I knew that things just as awful were being said about me behind my back. It was hard, because this person was always there for me in other ways and other people really liked her too, but... it was just not a good situation. I pulled away. I ended the friendship, but I think I did so in a good way. I know that guilt though. Then, in my bible study last week, Beth Moore was going all through this list of qualities in women you should avoid because they will only bring you down, and the qualities described this girl to a tee! I was shocked, because it was a bible study, but she was saying that sometimes we really do have to protect ourselves; sometimes it's OK.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, all that rambling to say I feel you lady, and I am sorry you are going through this, but I do think sometimes it's OK to pull away.
Sometimes we all need reminders to be better people, but some people are just never going to change!
I definitely read your thread about that girl and obviously I can totally relate! I am glad you and Beth Moore agree lol!
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