A Trip

Since Saturday I have been staying in DC with my in laws. It has been a long week.

We have toured George Washington's house, museum, distillery, and mill. We have walked through the Smithsonian and paid our respects at the WWII Memorial.

This week has made me think about this country in a way that I never have before. It has been thought provoking and has sent me into a tailspin of introspection. I feel a great sense of pride for my country. I am proud to be an American. I am thankful to live in a country that protects my liberty. There are no words to express how thankful I am for those who have lost their lives to protect that freedom.

It has also made me think about the women. Women have been a vital part of history that we don't know much about. They were there, behind the scenes, supporting their husbands through thick and thin. This country wouldn't be where it is now if it weren't for the women who nursed soldiers back to health, mourned the loss of loved ones, cared for their family and their home, and humbly took little or no credit for what they did.

I want to be that support system for my husband. I know he can do great things. I want to be his right hand man, his partner in crime. I don't need credit. His love is enough. I know what I am capable of. I am a great caretaker, a great cook, a maternal figure. I am smart and thoughtful. I'm also awkward...

That is the other reason this week has been long. I have no idea how to interact with my mother in law. We don't understand each other. We don't speak the same figurative language. I try to smile and be pleasant and enjoy her company. It works for a little while but then I get worn down. I don't like being told what to do. I really don't think she realizes that she is completely incapable of suggesting. She bosses. I am a grown woman. I am capable of taking care of myself. I don't need anyone to tell me how to live my life. I have to remind myself that she has good intentions. She has always been that way, and I don't need to be so defensive. It's just hard. I wish she could see what there is to love about me. I think she is baffled as to why her son chose me. I know I'm awkward. I know I don't know all of the ins and outs of social expectations. I don't know what to say most of the time. Sometimes I just want to scream that I took care of myself and my younger siblings. I want to scream that I am independent and smart in different ways that she will never understand.

I will never be Catholic.

I will probably never be a military wife or work for the government.

I will never be "East Coast".

I will never completely understand the high society expectations that she considers common knowledge.

But I will always be...

Loving

Compassionate

A free spirit

A great cook

Creative

Intelligent

Committed

Capable

I hope some day she can past what I'm not and know who I am. I hope some day I can ignore her unintentional jabs and focus on what is so great about her. I know what a great mother she is. She raised the best sons I have ever known. She loves them unconditionally.

I'm working on growing some thicker skin. I want to be the best woman I can be. I want to be the best wife and the best American I can be. I think those are some big shoes to fill.

I can deal

I've been looking for something to write about, and today I got it.

Remember in January when the family I work for decided they needed a full time nanny? Well it happened again.

Basically I told them that I needed more time to be focused on school. They responded by finding someone new. They really wanted someone to be there full time. That new nanny sucked and scared the crap out of them so they called me begging to watch the kids whenever I could. I started consistently working 3 days a week and they were grateful. They said they would have to work around it until they figured something else out because they could never trust a new nanny again. Well...they figured something else out. I guess I was a temporary fix. One of the girls' teacher sent out an email announcing that her daughter is home from college for the summer and is looking for a nanny job. Mrs. Anderson's daughter will be the next "nanny".

I'm not really sure how I feel about this. On one hand my feelings are a little hurt. I thought I was super nanny. I thought they learned I am irreplaceable. I thought they were willing to work with me. On the other hand, I had no idea what the plan was for this summer and I am relieved. I can work out every morning. I can go out of town whenever I want to. I can (hopefully) dig deep for some motivation to finish school. I can keep my house clean and hang out with my grandparents.

There are definitely more positives than negatives to this new situation, but I'm a little bruised.

The angel boy and I started art class three weeks ago and it has been great. Today we made a lady bug garden. Afterwards we went to the park with a little boy in our class and his German Au Pair. It was really fun. She was telling me all about traveling the world and getting paid basically nothing. I'm sad that I won't be the one responsible for taking my boy to art class any more. I think I'm going to ask if I can pick him up and take him every Wednesday. I'm going to need dates with my kids. I am going to take them to the movies or bring the girls to get a mani/pedi. I'm gonna spoil them like a grandma. They are going to dig me even more then than they do now.

I can deal with that.

Ladies Night

I went dancing last night and it was SO much fun!!

First of all, I looked great. I didn't worry about how I looked at all. I even giggled at the girls spending all of their time fixing their makeup in the bathroom. Why would you want to be doing that when you could be dancing!?

Second, I had fun. And when you are whole-heartedly enjoying yourself, others do too. Our fun was contagious. We were "those girls" that were having the time of our lives out there on the dance floor. We didn't care what anyone else thought. I think people were drawn in by the smiles on our faces. Some guy came into the middle of our circle and started pop-and-locking to MJ. It was hilarious. And the sweet old man asked us each to dance and twirled us one by one all around the dance floor.

There were some funny things too...

I stood in line to pee and when a stall finally opened up, two girls came out. I'm pretty sure there was some pretty serious stuff going on in that stall before I used it to relieve myself. In fact, I know there was because they continued their drunken groping session in front of the sinks.

Also, I heard a cowboy say the phrases "Well, hot dog!" and "I've been shakin it like a wet noodle all night!" in context. Flawlessly. Without batting an eye. I was laughing so hard at the fact that someone actually uses these amazing figures of speech. Here's how it went:

Me: It's her birthday!

Cowboy: Well, Hot Dog, we need a shot then!

Gia: I want to go dance.

Cowboy: Well, damn, I've been shakin it like a wet noodle all night!

There was also a guy doing the two step by himself at an aerobic pace. He was SERIOUS. He was going right right, left left very quickly around the perimeter of the dance floor for hours. It was really bizzare.

I thought I had another funny story but I cant remember it right now....but I'm sure you can tell I had a great time.

There is something wonderful about the combination of dancing, girlfriends, and confidence.

I'm really thankful those ladies are in my life. I dig having friends.

Thank you, shopping gods!

Today meeting my mom for lunch turned in to a serious adventure. And. I. mean. serious!!

I think the shopping Gods were looking out for us today.

We caught some great finds at TJ Maxx including a beautiful new bedspread for my gargantuan bed.

Next we stopped at Starbucks and just happened to be there during their new Frappucino happy hour. Half off all fraps! And now I can have them because they have a new soy option!

BY this time we were exhausted, BUT THEN.....

I saw a sign that said LIQUOR STORE 60% OFF

So we promptly made a U-turn to see if it could be true.

And it was.

Five BOXES later we were cruising home.

Yep, I said FIVE BOXES. Did I mention my mom likes wine?

Everyone in line asked us if they could come party with us. Is it sad that we aren't even having a party?

A Case of the Mondays...

Goodness gracious last night I stayed up until midnight finishing my two finals papers (that were due two weeks ago- thank goodness for the extension). I'm feeling sort of accomplished. I even slept in until 9 which was just lovely. I rewarded myself by buying two new pairs of earrings on etsy.

I was going to tell you what exciting things I did this weekend, but if we are being honest I slept most of it away. I spent equal amounts of time sleeping and typing away at my paper and then I threw in a bit of making and eating shrimp tacos with my momma for Mother's Day. They were exceptionally delicious.

The big news in my family is that my sister is moving in with boys. As my grandmother says, "it must be a generational thing", because I don't really see the big deal. Let's be honest here, boys are much easier to live with and she can screw around with anyone whether she lives with them or not. Just for the record I hope she doesn't, but we're being honest here. My dad is about to have a stroke. It's kind of fun watching this all play out from the sidelines.

I hope you all find my life as amusing as I do. Have a great Monday!

Respect the Moment

I love my life. I love my life. I love my life.

Like I said yesterday, I have been a little disenchanted lately. It's taking extra work to appreciate the small things and focus on the positive.

Today I am frustrated with my job. I don't like the passive-aggressive way that angel boy's dad suggests I should do things differently.

I am also frustrated with school. And I could make a whole laundry list of other things that are less than great in my life.

What I have been beginning to realize is that I need to take ownership of my life. It's no one else's fault that I'm frustrated. I made the choices I made because they seemed like the best option. So far, they have allowed me to avoid less preferable situations.

I am really blessed to have a flexible job. A job that I get paid well for. A job that I get to hang with a little boy all day. It can be stressful. Isn't life stressful!? This is my job. I chose it. I will be thankful for it. I will be humble.

I have most of my brain cells intact. I have all of my limbs. I have some money in my bank account. I have a home. I am one of the few women in this world with the opportunity to get an education. I have a wonderful companion. I have a great support system.

I should not be complaining about anything.

I am blessed.

I need to see my life that way.

Its my life. Need more friends? Make some! Need to lose a few pounds? Exercise! Behind in school? Do my homework! Bored at work? Make a plan!

No one else is going to do these things for me. I can't just wish to be happier or thinner or healthier and expect it to happen. I have to DO IT. I can't expect anyone to motivate me. I have to motivate myself.

I am a goal oriented person. My new goal is to do. No more mindless internet searching. No more staring at my paper. No more pointless trips to Target. No more recorded episodes of oprah while I eat expensive cheese. Every moment has a purpose. My new goal is to respect that purpose. Things aren't going to get any better unless I make them better.

Finding the Light in the Darkness

These last few days I have realized how precious life is.

One of my classmates was killed on friday night, and it made me feel like the world is a dark place. I only graduated with 130 people, so losing one of them is a hard hit for all of us. I didn't know him well, but his friend who was driving the car is good friends with my brother in law. He was always around making the rest of us smile. I'm praying for both families.

I felt the darkness all around me. I was focused on all of the awful things that happen in this world. I was having a hard time finding the sunshine in every day life. And then I realized that this could happen to anyone at any time. I realized that we are all His children and he can call us home whenever He is ready. We have to enjoy every moment we have with those we love. We have to love those around us a little more. I know I have been holding Mike a little tighter.

I having been thinking a lot about resentment lately. I carry a lot of resentment around. There are a few people in particular that broke my trust and I resented them for that. I have realized that resentment is only a burden to myself. It does nothing to the people who have hurt me. Carrying it around is a heavy load on my back that I am CHOOSING to carry. Now I am choosing to let that resentment go. I am choosing to realize that we are all human. We all make mistakes. We all have insecurities. We all have hurt one of our friends, whether intentionally or not. I am not perfect. I will not expect others to be. There are reasons and hurt behind every poor choice someone makes.

I want to live every day knowing that I would be proud of the life I leave behind. I have no more time or energy for resentment. I'm gonna clean out a dark little place in my heart, wipe away the cobwebs, and let some love and light in. I'm going to love those people. I am going to focus on what we have in common rather than our differences. No more grudges. I need to know that if I don't wake up tomorrow, I have lived a loving life. I need to know that if I lose a friend, I had showed them all the love I could.

May God be with all of the friends that have been lost, all of the families that have been grieving.

Love with all you have while you have the chance.

RIP MH