Simple

Last night was a simple night. And it was great. My boo took me to the Outback for a $10 steak dinner. Pretty Classy ;) It totally hit the spot. And then I laid on his chest while we watched our favorite shows. I was wearing stretch pants. They were really leggings that I got from Target for $3, but they are too big so I can't wear them in public. I think leggings are just glorified stretch pants. Whatever you call them they were extremely comfortable to lounge in. As long as no one can see. My behind is large enough already in real life. In stretch pant life it is even huger. It's a good thing Mike is a butt guy.

New

So I had to start a whole new blog...here it is.

I like the spring color palette and all of the pictures I added to my sidebar.

What do you guys think?

I definitely need a new picture of myself for the heading. I don't have many pictures of just me! I guess that's what happens when you get married?

I also wanted to say thanks for all of your prayers! Two weeks after surgery, Flicka is cancer free!

life

When I was in 2nd grade I got really sick. It started out like the flu. I went to the doctor and they suggested I go into the ER and get an IV. After having some fluids pumped in me and holding down a few popsicles I was feeling much better. They told me to go home and get some rest. When I woke up the next morning I was too weak to walk. I crawled into my moms room screaming and crying. She rushed me back to the hospital while I barfed stomach fluid into a dirty coffee mug. After a few days of hallucinating and throwing up more than you would think humanly possible, I started to get better. They never found out exactly what caused me to be so ill, but it was never a problem and since then I have been fine.

My grandma always recalls how she booked a flight as fast as she could to fly out and be with me. She says that she cried the whole way from Boston to Denver Children's Hospital. I hate when she says that. I don't want to think about her being sad.

Today I really understood how she must have felt.

My mom called me, clearly trying to hold back tears and said, "There is something wrong with Mom Mom's heart". She told me not to panic until they have more information. All she knew was that Mom Mom had been short of breath and having heart palpitations so they rushed her to the hospital.

I was calm until I hung up. A wave of fear rushed over me. I have a lot of life left to live, and I want my grandparents there for every moment.



Aren't they sweet??

Thankfully she is OK. They think the problems were caused by a case of pneumonia so they administered interveinous antibiotics and sent her home with some good meds. I am so thankful. So so thankful.

I'm also a little sad. I feel like this was a sign that they are getting older and I don't want them to. They aren't allowed to age. They are young- both at heart and literally. Who else can say that their grandmother was 40 when they were born?

I know that scares like this are a part of life. I know that if medical scares can happen to beautiful, healthy, 18-yr. old girls like Flicka, then they can happen to anyone. I just don't like it. I don't want to accept it. I want to fix everyone.

I guess what I need to take from this is that life is precious. I'm going to live every moment to the fullest.

I love you M&G

Creaks

My first night alone was totally fine...until I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep. I imagined that every little creak was a footstep. I convinced myself that I left the door unlocked and someone was going to come in and kill me. I tried to talk myself out of it. I prayed that God would protect me and then felt stupid for praying to be protected from an imaginary perpetrator. When my alarm went off I was still drifting in and out of dreams. Am I the only one who let's episodes of "Gangland" and "Law and Order" sneak into my sub-conscience at the least opportune moments? But I'm a big girl and I got over it. It's kind of nice having the house to myself, but who wouldn't miss this face???



PS: I am smart enough to know that there is no way I could paint all of those cabinets by myself. Especially before he gets home on Friday. I just thought daydreaming about it was fun. Can you imagine the face he would make if he came home to sea foam cabinets???

'Bama Blues

My boo is gettin on a jet plane and flyin away today. He is going to good 'ol Alabama to check on some rockets for a few days. I'm a little bummed, but considering that Alabama doesn't sound all that fun, and that my finals are due this week, I will be staying here. I haven't spent a night alone in our new house yet. I think I will be OK. I might have to plan some homework breaks to have some quality time with my girls. That's the best thing about having no man in the house- I can fully enjoy girl's nights.

I was thinking maybe I should paint the cabinets while he's gone. I think he would freak. Maybe not...
But how great are these pictures!?

Green
Sea Foam
Yellow
Cream

Colorado

I really love it here. I love seeing the mountains in the distance. I love how we have all four seasons and we are always very ready for the next one when it comes. I love how beautiful it is whether it's sunny or snowy. I love itching to go camping even when memorial day is still a month away. I love hiking trails. I love granola and trail mix. I love layering because the weather could change at any moment. I love that dressing up is dark wash jeans and heels. I love that rainbow sandals and keens are acceptable anywhere. I love the buds on the trees and the grass between my toes. I love that the city and the mountains are always just a short drive away.

I love Colorado.

Dinner

This is what I came home to. Yep, that's a Jimmy John's sammy and a glass of wine for me, and a Chipotle burrito and a cold brewsky for him. I just thought it was soo adorable that I had to take a picture. This is what happens when he decides to take the reigns and "make" dinner. Also, doesn't our newly refinished and reupholstered dining room table look great?!? I think it does. We make a good team.

TV and Giggles with the Hubs

Last night we were watching Parenthood (My new favorite show, it's hilarious!), and, well let me set it up for ya.
Sarah is pursuing a relationship with her daughter's english teacher. He's pretty charming and smart. He took her back to his house and proceeded to romance her by reading to her from their favorite book. I thought it was adorable. Mike thought it was corny and hilarious. I had to inform him that I always dreamed of marrying a man like that. I imagined laying in bed and talking about literary topics and metaphors. I have always found intelligence sexy. And then he said, in his lowest, most seductive voice, "I love you like the fat kid loves cake. That's a metaphor isn't it?" We both had a pretty good giggle.

Who knew I married a comedian??

I dig him. I especially love giggling together.

Chipping Away at the Block

So lately I have been having a lot of yucky health symptoms. Just ask my husband, I have been whining about them all, including:

nausea
migraines
shortness of breath
fatigue
stomach aches
achne

Yep, all of those have surfaced in the last few weeks. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and considering making a doctors appointment. I really hate going to the doctor though, because usually they just tell you what you already know and send you home. One day I was imagining what my doc would ask me if I actually went in, and I thought of one of the questions: "Could this be stress related?'

Bingo!

Stress...that's what it is. That totally explains all of my ridiculous ailments and my moodiness. In fact, it basically explains everything.

I talked to Mike about my new revelation. I told him how I am so overwhelmed and I don't even know how to fix it. I told him how I feel like a failure because my stress is paralyzing me and making me feel weak and helpless and tired. I also told him that I know I have been really moody and cranky and that I feel bad. He stopped me with a look of bewilderment.
"You know that you have been moody!?"
"Of course I know!", I said through my tears.
"I had no idea"

How could he not know? I was just as shocked as he was. I feel like a bad wife because I know I am totally emotional and that I overreact to A LOT of situations. He has good reason to be impatient with me. I yell at him when he doesn't clean the way I would. I get frustrated when he doesn't do things EXACTLY my way. And then the next day when I am sitting around doing nothing, I get resentful knowing that he will come home and be upset that I haven't gotten anything done.

I know how crazy that sounds. I know how unfair it is. I feel awful. I need to fix it.

I tried to explain that I know it's not his fault even though I act like it is sometimes.

Together we made a list of all the things we need to get done. He reminded me that the only way to shrink my stress is to chip away at the block. The block just seems so big to me that it's impossible. Writing it down on our little dry erase board made it feel more conquerable.

Get caught up in school
Make a plan for after graduation
Clean house
Organize fridge
Lose 10 lbs.
Get a haircut
Return clothes to Costco
Clean garage
Hang garage door opener
Do laundry and put it away
Clean master bed & bath
Put treadmill together
Pay school bill

See...not so bad! Some of those items are going to be on the list a lot longer than others, but so far 7 out of the 13 are crossed off!

I am working on crossing more items off the list to make me feel better instead of growing resentful.

Once again, I am so lucky to have a husband who is so forgiving and understanding and helpful.

My day in a nutshell

Going with my mom to take 3 boys to the pool. This should be fun! I need to shower big time. BIG TIME.

Big Cloudy Choices

Thank God for the sunshine.

I went on a great walk with my mom this morning. Now I'm clean and warm.

I'm listening to the radio so I don't feel too lonely and it sounds like this...
"If you want more than, why dont you phhhhhhhaisurtbcivetuyrvqeiutytttttttttttt....
jkregtuvwy why dont you say so......"

I'm not sure what's worse, the lonely quiet of an empty house, or the wretched sound coming from my radio.

I'm thinking about choices. Mikey reminded me that I should be grateful for all of the opportunities and choices that I have. I think they are overwhelming, but I know he is right. I think I need to start with the little choices first, and then later I can worry about the big ones. Questions like "What is my plan after graduation?", and "How should I arrange the furniture in our bedroom?", and also, "Do I care if I have kids WAYYY before it's even a thought to any of my friends?"...those questions are just too much. I don't have answers for them. I guess that means I should just wait. For now I can worry about what I'm having for dinner, and which of my clothes should be garage-saled. I can handle those questions. The problem is, I keep letting my brain get clouded up with the big questions, and then I feel like I can't do anything. I lay on my bed in a big overwhelming puddle going over all of the choices and finding no answers. Meanwhile, the laundry is still dirty, my homework is still undone, and there are still plenty of boxes to be unpacked.

Little Steps. Little Steps, Kat.

I think I'm gonna go make my bed....

Dreaming

Today I'm happy and tired...and it feels good. It was a beautiful day. We unpacked a few boxes, organized some things, and met two of our new neighbors. I did it all with bed head and the same pants I had on yesterday. That part was a little gross. Then we had a great dinner and I fell asleep on Mikey's chest. I feel intoxicated by the ideas of the life that will happen in this house. Im going to go back to sleep and dream of the memories that we will make.