I almost gave up...

I was about to get right on here and talk about how hard it has been that I haven't heard back from any of the jobs I applied to. I was going to say how it has been a blow to my confidence and that it has made it harder for me to be excited about getting into the work force.

And then I got aggressive and decided I would call any number I could get my hands on. One of the craigslist postings had a phone number. I called and someone answered. And then they asked for an interview on Monday. That put a little pep in my step.

So I got online and wrote a bunch more emails and made a ton more phone calls. Then just now I got a phone call from a school I didn't even know I applied to. Apparently I applied a few weeks ago. They would like to interview me tomorrow. Holla!! I searched through all of my emails to try to find when I could have applied and nothing came up. The only thing I can think of is that I must have replied to one of those vague postings that doesn't give the name of the organization.

Anyhoo I am very excited. It never ceases to amaze me how God has a plan. Just when I was getting discouraged and feeling beat down I got two interviews in one day. Now I'm just nervous about all of the stress that comes along with applying for jobs. What if I don't get any of them? What if I do and they don't pay well? What if I accept a job offer and then I get offered a better position later? Oh well...I will just try to focus on the small things like what I'm going to wear!

A Crazy Weekend

This weekend was C-R-A-Z-Y!

First of all, we had a few people over on friday night. I made 3 lbs of cajun chicken pasta. Thats A LOT. It ended up being really good but that much pasta needs a lot of sauce.
All the ladies got spray tans and chatted while the guys played madden.
And then I stayed up until 2 am talk to my BIL.

Saturday I hung out with my dad. He has started dating which is super weird for me. I honestly can't think of a single woman he has dated since my parents got divorced when I was 7. To top it off, his new girlfriend is my realtor. She lives in the same town as me and is good friends with my mom. Strange. So now he keeps spending the night in my town and stopping by to say hi or hang out when his lady friend is busy.

My dad and I have been planning on making my grandma wooding's strawberry jam, so he came over and we went to the store to buy a million strawberries and then we ran over to the Polo store where Ben works to take full advantage of the friends and family sale they are running. Mike and his brother (Dan) met us there. Upon arrival Ben let us know that his mom asked him to move him and he said yes. When? Right when he got off work. Weird.

So we got my dad and Mike a bunch of nice new clothes and headed home. My dad and I made a ton of jam while the boys went car shopping. Then they came home and told us that Dan had found a Jeep online that looked like a really great deal. It was in Omaha. We live in Denver. When they found $60 plane tickets they made the final decision to take the 7 pm flight out and have a "brother adventure".

I packed my dad a cute little picnic basket for his date with my realtor including chocolate and wine and all kinds of things girls like, and then he was off. Right about the time I had taken a seat to enjoy the caprese salad I had just made myself, Ben got home and started packing. And then he drove to his parents house and I had the house to myself. No dad. No husband. No brother in law or free-loading roommate. Just me and my house that was covered in sticky pink jam.

So what did I do? I called up my girls to let them know I was down for a night out. I got home around 3 am.

By last night I was so tired that I couldn't even think. My boo got home around 11:30 and we finally went to sleep.

The end.

Summary

Right now my life is pretty much the same as it has been for a while.

Staying home doing homework and housework and being bored.
Wondering what I should do when I graduate.
Trying to figure out when I will be ready to "try" for a baby again.
Trying to find a part-time job.
Enjoying the new primetime TV season.

I really need to spice things up. When something exciting happens I'll be back to write more.

Holding my breath

I applied for six big girl jobs last night. It took me four hours to fill out the profile. I'm really nervous. I told Mike I was scared that I would get let down. He giggled because he thought it was cute that my eyes were welling up over something so silly. He said, "Well then, sweetie, you will just have to try again!"

But I did it. I took a step in a direction. I'm not sure if it's the right direction. Or if there is a right or wrong direction. But, I'm on my way to proving to myself that I can do whatever I want. I'm not going to limit myself. I'm kind of excited about it.

I'm also excited about the extra dinero that will allow me to put some money in the bank, buy some winter boots, and save up for an I-don't-have-any-kids-to-worry-about-yet-vacation all the while getting some work experience under my belt for when I graduate.

When Ben and I had an Oprah Moment

Yesterday I had a tough talk with someone I love. We were both being affected by the choices that one of our family members is making, so we were discussing the situation. This "friend" is much more directly related to the situation than I am and I had called to see how she was doing. Even though it was tough, I called her out on closing up. I told her everyone needs a friend. I felt bad calling her out when she was going through something rough, but I wanted her to know that I love her and I'm here for her and she needs to talk to someone when she is going through tough stuff. I think it made us closer. I hope. Because I love her a lot.

And then I sat down next to Ben (my gay friend/roommate) and we watched Oprah. I must have been in an emotionally raw place because everything on that TV made me cry. Wynonna Judd was on and she was talking about how she has overcome some terrible struggles in her life. What I was reminded in that moment is that everyone encounters hurdles no matter how bad or hard they are. The difference with this woman, is that she so flawlessly remembers God's love for her in everything she does. When she was talking about this tough stuff she continually was alluding back to God's light. It was amazing. I want to be more like her.

Ben and I have been through some tough stuff in our own lives, so we were both sitting there crying together about how amazing and strong and real and faithful Wynonna is. And then we remembered a song that she sang on Touched by an Angel when we were younger and he youtubed it.



And then we sat there and cried some more until it was time for me to go.

You know how in church you sing songs about how amazing and great God is and sometimes you have to remind yourself what you are singing about? I always think that the moment when I sync in to the words and they have meaning for me is a beautiful moment. Listening to Wynonna Judd's song was like that moment the whole time I was listening to it. I had goosebumps. I felt full.

Fall

The things I look forward to about Fall:

Soy pumpkin spice lattes
The leaves changing colors
Sweaters
Socks and Birkenstock clogs
Sleeping with the windows open
Canned peaches
Breaking out the crock pot for warm dinners
Cider-scented candles
Snuggling under a blankie on the couch

I am so so ready.

What being a homeowner has taught me

Life as a homeowner.

I used to daydream about owning a house. I imagined it would be green and gray and sit back in the trees. It would need hours and hours of work, but it would all be worth it. Painting next to my boo would be so romantic. We could be a team, pulling up old laminate floors and resurfacing old cabinets.

We bought a house. A new house. It needed much different kind of work. When you buy a new house it comes with a back yard of dirt and a house full of white walls.

This summer we have shoveled and wheeled loads and loads of rock and mulch and top soil. We have worked our backs lifting pallet after pallet of worm-filled sod.

We have painted our walls and added touches of our own.

We have had sooo much help from family and friends that made it all much more bearable.

Even though it wasn't an old house with a soul, and even though all the work wasn't quite as romantic as I imagined, we have still made it into a home.

I have realized that I really tend to romanticize the future. Things never turn out quite as wonderful as I imagine them. I get so focused on the future and what beautiful gifts it may bring that I miss the present and all its beauty. My life right now might not be a scene from a movie. It might be hard work, or emotionally draining, or just plain different than what I was expecting, but it is still wonderful in its own right.

As terrible as having a miscarriage was, I think it has helped me to appreciate what I have now. I don't want any more responsibility yet. I want to get a grip on what I am responsible for right now. I want to enjoy being a wife and a student and a friend and a homeowner. Then, when I am a mommy I might not be so disappointed that it's hard work. I won't be disenchanted- I will be grateful. I will appreciate it more than I might have before. Life isn't the movies. They make the hard stuff look too fun and easy.