Life as a homeowner.
I used to daydream about owning a house. I imagined it would be green and gray and sit back in the trees. It would need hours and hours of work, but it would all be worth it. Painting next to my boo would be so romantic. We could be a team, pulling up old laminate floors and resurfacing old cabinets.
We bought a house. A new house. It needed much different kind of work. When you buy a new house it comes with a back yard of dirt and a house full of white walls.
This summer we have shoveled and wheeled loads and loads of rock and mulch and top soil. We have worked our backs lifting pallet after pallet of worm-filled sod.
We have painted our walls and added touches of our own.
We have had sooo much help from family and friends that made it all much more bearable.
Even though it wasn't an old house with a soul, and even though all the work wasn't quite as romantic as I imagined, we have still made it into a home.
I have realized that I really tend to romanticize the future. Things never turn out quite as wonderful as I imagine them. I get so focused on the future and what beautiful gifts it may bring that I miss the present and all its beauty. My life right now might not be a scene from a movie. It might be hard work, or emotionally draining, or just plain different than what I was expecting, but it is still wonderful in its own right.
As terrible as having a miscarriage was, I think it has helped me to appreciate what I have now. I don't want any more responsibility yet. I want to get a grip on what I am responsible for right now. I want to enjoy being a wife and a student and a friend and a homeowner. Then, when I am a mommy I might not be so disappointed that it's hard work. I won't be disenchanted- I will be grateful. I will appreciate it more than I might have before. Life isn't the movies. They make the hard stuff look too fun and easy.
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as someone who is older {ahem} i would encourage you to do exactly what you say - it is the best advice.
ReplyDeletei met my husband in high school and we went to college together and then we were trying to start our family {which took 8 years} and finally our dreams came to fruition. but i regret not living to the fullest all those years.
i never traveled in college because we didn't want to leave each other. we only traveled to Europe once and only took a small vacation here and there because all of our money was going into infertility treatments.
now we have our beautiful daughter and while i regret some things that i missed in the process of becoming parents, i'm so grateful for other things that i took for granted.
i'm glad that we got to spend so many years as a couple...sleeping in, staying out late...just being together. i think that cemented our relationship and now if we're running past each other, we know that we'll come back together - no worries.
when you're young you want it all and want it fast, but there is plenty of time for everything. it's really about enjoying the journey.
good post!