Some random old drunk guy at a party once asked me, "What kind of pizza do people like?". I thought about it for a few minutes and guessed, "Pepperoni?". "No!", he said, "Everyone likes different kinds of pizza!". Then, I thought he was crazy, but the point he was trying to get across is that just like everyone likes different kinds of pizza, every guy has different taste in women. In his drunken state he was trying to make me feel good about myself and realize that some guy out there likes his "pizza" curvy with a huge butt and green eyes. He was right. Mike likes that kind of pizza.
Lately I have been having image issues. I mean, come on, what girl doesn't!? One of my friends posted a note on fb basically conveying her opinion that women should take care of ourselves so that we are attractive to men. She was frustrated with women who expect men to disregard exterior appearances and see only their heart and mind. I have been thinking a lot about her opinion. On one hand I really agree with her. I feel confident and attractive on the days that I take the time do my hair and put on some makeup. I think my husband finds that confidence sexy. I also thinks it makes him feel good to know that I put in the effort for him; that I'm not "letting myself go". But something bothered me about that note. I'm sick of not feeling good enough exactly the way I am. I'm sick of feeling like the fat girl. I don't want to keep thinking, "I'll look good when we get that treadmill set up and I lose a few pounds", because damnit, I'm beautiful just how I am right now! I'm healthy. I'm sexy. I may look more like a figure in one of Rubens' paintings than a girl on the front of a magazine, but I'm gonna stop telling myself that's a bad thing. I'm gonna start being more proud of the way I look (even in my underwear). Don't get me wrong, I'm no plus-size model. I have the narrow shoulders and modest chest from my dad's gene pool awkwardly paired with the muscular legs, womanly hips, and big behind from my mom's side. But who the hell cares! I look good! Especially in my favorite jeans and a pair of heels.
I'm not saying its OK for me to finish off a whole box off girl scout cookies and sit in front of the TV all day. Im just saying I'm glad I'm the kind of girl who orders a burger and a beer at a sports bar, not the kind of girl who picks at her salad. That's more fun anyway.
Ladies, embrace yourselves! Love yourself exactly the way you are! You are somebody's favorite kind of pizza.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The 'hood...
Since I was driving through the old neighborhood when I got lost on my way to the auto body shop, my dad and I were comparing "ghetto" stories. It was pretty hilarious. Especially since this is where we called home from the time I was in 1st grade-10th grade. Here are a few:
I was enjoying a nice little dinner in Burger King when a guy ran in and frantically asked the cashier for some napkins and revealed his bleeding abdomen. He had obviously been stabbed. The poor cashier panicked and asked if she should call the police or something. He refused her help and ran out of Burger King with his stack of napkins.
My sister and I noticed a lot of police running towards our neighbor's house so we started watching out the window. All of them had bullet proof vests and helmets on. My dad saw what was going on and told us to get away from the window. Eventually they dragged one of the neighbors out in cuffs. Still don't know what happened. Meth Lab?
My dad noticed a scuffle in the parking lot while he was at the blockbuster by our house. And then he realized the scuffle was over a handgun. He ducked behind a brick wall with some other customers while one guy tried to wrestle a handgun away from the other.
One of the boys I had a crush on in middle school had his own little business going. Since he couldn't drive, he would ride his little scooter down to the mall to deliver "dime bags". I got over that crush pretty fast.
...These are just a few of the funniest/scariest stories. Please keep in mind this is a suburb of Denver we are talking about- not inner city DC.
I was enjoying a nice little dinner in Burger King when a guy ran in and frantically asked the cashier for some napkins and revealed his bleeding abdomen. He had obviously been stabbed. The poor cashier panicked and asked if she should call the police or something. He refused her help and ran out of Burger King with his stack of napkins.
My sister and I noticed a lot of police running towards our neighbor's house so we started watching out the window. All of them had bullet proof vests and helmets on. My dad saw what was going on and told us to get away from the window. Eventually they dragged one of the neighbors out in cuffs. Still don't know what happened. Meth Lab?
My dad noticed a scuffle in the parking lot while he was at the blockbuster by our house. And then he realized the scuffle was over a handgun. He ducked behind a brick wall with some other customers while one guy tried to wrestle a handgun away from the other.
One of the boys I had a crush on in middle school had his own little business going. Since he couldn't drive, he would ride his little scooter down to the mall to deliver "dime bags". I got over that crush pretty fast.
...These are just a few of the funniest/scariest stories. Please keep in mind this is a suburb of Denver we are talking about- not inner city DC.
Patience
I just love this little angel boy so much. He has a great big chunk of my heart held tight in his little fist. When his mom and dad decided to find a new nanny I told my husband "it feels like I just got broken up with". He said they would realize what they had. He was right. Just like an immature high school boy who broke up with his sweet girlfriend for a girl on cheer team and then got burned, they want me back. They realized no one else could love that angel boy as much as I do. They realized how much I cared about what is best for their kids. (I bet they also realized that most other nannies don't make gourmet dinners, either.) This time I'm back on my own terms.
Looking into his sweet eyes makes me want my own. If I can love him so much, I can't imagine how much I would love one that I helped make. One I don't have to give back at the end of the day. Mike gets frustrated when I think this way. He is the practical one of the two of us. He tells me "be patient". He thinks about his car that is about to break down. He thinks about the mortgage payment we will be paying in a few weeks. He thinks about my "career". I don't care about all of that. I just want an angel boy of my own to hold. But I know Mike is right.... I will try to be patient.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Periwinkle, Angel Boy, and Bubble Tea
The mom car is going to get her boo boos all fixed up today! AND... I got to spend the day with my angel boy. He was so precious. He even gave me a big wet kiss on the cheek when I tucked him in for nap.
I also bought two cardigans at Target this morning. Oops! shhhhh...don't tell Mike. They are just SO cute. One is periwinkle and has little flower appliques on it. How could I resist that?!
Now I'm going to drive my car to the auto body shop and pick up LOLLICUP on the way. I just can't resist a bubble tea when I am in the asian part of town. 2nd time this week. :/
I hope you are all having a periwinkle kind of Tuesday like I am. Enjoy!
I also bought two cardigans at Target this morning. Oops! shhhhh...don't tell Mike. They are just SO cute. One is periwinkle and has little flower appliques on it. How could I resist that?!
Now I'm going to drive my car to the auto body shop and pick up LOLLICUP on the way. I just can't resist a bubble tea when I am in the asian part of town. 2nd time this week. :/
I hope you are all having a periwinkle kind of Tuesday like I am. Enjoy!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
The Old Neighborhood
My grandparents house (where we are staying) is right smack dab in my old neighborhood-my old stomping ground. In fact, they live right across the street from my dad. I went to high school in this neighborhood. I had plenty of friendships and memories and let downs in this neighborhood. I got my first speeding ticket right down the street. I got my hair highlighted the first time (red, chocolate, and bleach-blonde all at once. What was I thinking?) a few intersections down the road. I peed in the school parking lot. I even screamed profanities at the sky in that parking lot with my dear Bajo when we were having a particularly bad night. My car got egged in this neighborhood. I sledded on a toboggan roped to the back of a car in this neighborhood. I got drunk with my mom the first time in this neighborhood. You get the picture...
Well being back feels weird. I was pretty comfortable going out with my hair in a knot and minimal make up on when I left our apartment to run errands. But now, in this place, I better not go out without looking great because goodness knows I will run into someone I know. It might be the cool girl whose expensive clothes I always coveted. It might be the cute boy my little sister went to prom with. It could even be one of my teachers or someone I hated, but I still would be mortified to run into someone looking like a hobo.
Call me vain but it's the truth. And I bet you can relate. I can't wait until I move to a place where no one knows me. Then I can leave the house not only looking bad but smelling bad too! hahahaha
Well being back feels weird. I was pretty comfortable going out with my hair in a knot and minimal make up on when I left our apartment to run errands. But now, in this place, I better not go out without looking great because goodness knows I will run into someone I know. It might be the cool girl whose expensive clothes I always coveted. It might be the cute boy my little sister went to prom with. It could even be one of my teachers or someone I hated, but I still would be mortified to run into someone looking like a hobo.
Call me vain but it's the truth. And I bet you can relate. I can't wait until I move to a place where no one knows me. Then I can leave the house not only looking bad but smelling bad too! hahahaha
Friday, February 19, 2010
My Girls
Where my girls, where my girls, where my girls at!?
On Wednesday I had a nice little shopping trip with two of my girls and Ben (he counts). Shopping wasn't so great because I can't seem to fight off this cold, but the ride home was lovely. I was reminded how you can find some wisdom in unexpected places. The ladies gave me some great advice that I plan on following as soon as I can drag myself out of bed. It felt great to have people to bounce ideas off of. I was worried that I would be met with criticism, but instead they offered me advice from their own experiences along with a healthy dose of support. Isn't that great? So here is a little shout out to some of my girls:
Som: Somer is my bestest, longest friend. No matter how long we go without seeing each other, we are still always there for each other. I admire her drive and discipline. She is the only one who could understand what a lot of things were like for me growing up. Not only was she there, but she also went through most of them herself. We have an unspoken understanding of each others families.
Hannah: Hannah learns from (most of) her past experiences. She is always more than willing to offer advice and give you a game plan to solve your problems. Sometimes I wish she would follow my game plan for her, but that's just life, isn't it? You have to learn on your own. Hannah has a heart of gold and strives to find truth.
Ben: I know he doesn't quite have the right parts to qualify for this post, but he will always be one of the girls. Sometimes I get embarrassed when Ben dances and sings in Target, but that's what's so wonderful about him. He always lets his presence shine through. Plus, I get a personal musical performance anywhere we go. I love doing normal things with Ben like cooking or grocery shopping. He makes life a little more spicy. I think he would be a great wife. How do you think Mike would feel about me having a husband and a wife?
Katie: My twin. Katie and I both yearn for romance and independence. We try to fight our womanly voice telling us to put everyone else first. I think she's better at that than I am. She will be the art teacher I wanted to be, and I am the wife she wants to be one day. When she finds the right guy, she will be a great wife AND a great art teacher. She will have the best of both worlds. Katie, thanks for helping me remember to be an independent woman.
Jenni: Jenni pretty much gave me 80 heart-attacks in high school. She scared the be-jesus out of me more than once. My favorite quality about Jenni is her spirit. She makes ANYTHING fun. I could be cleaning toilets with Jenni and I would be laughing my ass off. I love our adventures.
Lindsay: I think Lindsay is my soul mate. Haha. Too bad she lives half way across the stinkin world. I hope she comes back to me soon. I really love how smart and loving and non-dramatic Lindsay is. She is so helpful and the most grown-up of all of us. I really dig her. She keeps me grounded.
My sis: There are no words for sisterly love. My sister worries me, scares me, loves me, and surprises me. I am so proud of her. I know that even though she hasn't tamed her wild side yet, she always makes smart and safe choices. I can trust that she is going to have an amazing future.
Chels: My cousin is a mystery to me. i can read her better than she thinks I can, but she never actually tells me everything. Chelsey is unbelievably encouraging, She has high standards for herself that make me want to be a better me.
Bajo: My free spirit. She takes independent woman to a whole new wonderful level. Her potential reaches the tops of those sky scrapers out in NYC. Katheryn displays beauty, grace, and femininity wherever she goes. She says that I helped her learn to keep an open mind. Now she is teaching me how.
Love you ladies!
On Wednesday I had a nice little shopping trip with two of my girls and Ben (he counts). Shopping wasn't so great because I can't seem to fight off this cold, but the ride home was lovely. I was reminded how you can find some wisdom in unexpected places. The ladies gave me some great advice that I plan on following as soon as I can drag myself out of bed. It felt great to have people to bounce ideas off of. I was worried that I would be met with criticism, but instead they offered me advice from their own experiences along with a healthy dose of support. Isn't that great? So here is a little shout out to some of my girls:
Som: Somer is my bestest, longest friend. No matter how long we go without seeing each other, we are still always there for each other. I admire her drive and discipline. She is the only one who could understand what a lot of things were like for me growing up. Not only was she there, but she also went through most of them herself. We have an unspoken understanding of each others families.
Hannah: Hannah learns from (most of) her past experiences. She is always more than willing to offer advice and give you a game plan to solve your problems. Sometimes I wish she would follow my game plan for her, but that's just life, isn't it? You have to learn on your own. Hannah has a heart of gold and strives to find truth.
Ben: I know he doesn't quite have the right parts to qualify for this post, but he will always be one of the girls. Sometimes I get embarrassed when Ben dances and sings in Target, but that's what's so wonderful about him. He always lets his presence shine through. Plus, I get a personal musical performance anywhere we go. I love doing normal things with Ben like cooking or grocery shopping. He makes life a little more spicy. I think he would be a great wife. How do you think Mike would feel about me having a husband and a wife?
Katie: My twin. Katie and I both yearn for romance and independence. We try to fight our womanly voice telling us to put everyone else first. I think she's better at that than I am. She will be the art teacher I wanted to be, and I am the wife she wants to be one day. When she finds the right guy, she will be a great wife AND a great art teacher. She will have the best of both worlds. Katie, thanks for helping me remember to be an independent woman.
Jenni: Jenni pretty much gave me 80 heart-attacks in high school. She scared the be-jesus out of me more than once. My favorite quality about Jenni is her spirit. She makes ANYTHING fun. I could be cleaning toilets with Jenni and I would be laughing my ass off. I love our adventures.
Lindsay: I think Lindsay is my soul mate. Haha. Too bad she lives half way across the stinkin world. I hope she comes back to me soon. I really love how smart and loving and non-dramatic Lindsay is. She is so helpful and the most grown-up of all of us. I really dig her. She keeps me grounded.
My sis: There are no words for sisterly love. My sister worries me, scares me, loves me, and surprises me. I am so proud of her. I know that even though she hasn't tamed her wild side yet, she always makes smart and safe choices. I can trust that she is going to have an amazing future.
Chels: My cousin is a mystery to me. i can read her better than she thinks I can, but she never actually tells me everything. Chelsey is unbelievably encouraging, She has high standards for herself that make me want to be a better me.
Bajo: My free spirit. She takes independent woman to a whole new wonderful level. Her potential reaches the tops of those sky scrapers out in NYC. Katheryn displays beauty, grace, and femininity wherever she goes. She says that I helped her learn to keep an open mind. Now she is teaching me how.
Love you ladies!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
mixed up
It's Valentine's Day
Or as my in laws would call it, "St. Valentine's Day"
Maybe if I went to church today I would have learned about this St. Valentine
But I didn't...Instead I got an ab work out mopping floors and scrubbing countertops
We are all moved out of the apartment. It looks really white and stark without all of our things. Part of me was sad to see it so bare, and part of me was glad that we are done.
Tonight we had a traditional St. Patty's dinner. Corned beef and cabbage. On V-day. We are all mixed up. It's Ok though because I hate Valentine's Day. I think it's a dumb Hallmark holiday that was publicized to make money. If I'm gonna be romanced it better not be because of some stupid holiday.
PS: Mike and I have been together for almost 4 years and I have only received flowers twice. TWICE! That's good enough reason to hate Valentine's day. I think he needs to step the romancing up big time. What do you think? Good thing I love him.
Or as my in laws would call it, "St. Valentine's Day"
Maybe if I went to church today I would have learned about this St. Valentine
But I didn't...Instead I got an ab work out mopping floors and scrubbing countertops
We are all moved out of the apartment. It looks really white and stark without all of our things. Part of me was sad to see it so bare, and part of me was glad that we are done.
Tonight we had a traditional St. Patty's dinner. Corned beef and cabbage. On V-day. We are all mixed up. It's Ok though because I hate Valentine's Day. I think it's a dumb Hallmark holiday that was publicized to make money. If I'm gonna be romanced it better not be because of some stupid holiday.
PS: Mike and I have been together for almost 4 years and I have only received flowers twice. TWICE! That's good enough reason to hate Valentine's day. I think he needs to step the romancing up big time. What do you think? Good thing I love him.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I used the words "dig" and "rad" in this post...
My grandparents are amazing. They decided on Thursday afternoon that it would be fun to fly in and help us with our "design center" appointment on Friday. They bought tickets on Thursday night and flew in at the crack of dawn on Friday morning. How cool is that!?
We picked out some pretty rad stuff:
granite tile counter tops
18" ceramic tile for the floors in the living area, kitchen, and master bath
stainless steel appliances
soft fuzzy carpet for the bedrooms
I'm pretty excited about our brand-spankin-new house.
But....we have to wait until March. For now...we are packing all our mumbo jumbo and moving into the wonderful grandparents house.
There are literally boxes and piles surrounding me right this second. I can't wait to get out of this mess.
By the way...a chiropractor my mom works for offered me a job. I told him ok and then I went home and cried. I had already committed to painting his bathroom yesterday so I showed up in my paint jeans and painted his bathroom and then basically said "Thanks for the job, but no thanks". Today he called my mom and asked what he did to scare me away. He didn't scare me away. I just went home and had one of those meltdowns I have talked about before. Here's why:
I am a full time student and I really need to focus on school. Like for real. I'm taking responsibility for the fact that I have been slacking big time. I would RATHER work than do school, but that's the problem. When I have a job I put all of my effort into it and neglect my school work. I also just spent a pretty penny on a new spray tan machine and have been planning on putting effort into making money doing spray tans. AND we are moving. TWICE. Plus, if we are being honest, the hubs is going to start traveling again for work and I really like going with him. The reason I accepted the job in the first place is because I didn't want to act like a spoiled little kept woman when in reality we could use some extra money.
Now my mom calls me and tells me the guy really wants me to work for him, so what would it take? I told her $15/hr and she laughed at me. Now I'm second guessing myself. I'm worried that even though working today sounds like hell, I might be regretting this decision in a few weeks. Should I take a job for $10/hr. when I was making $13/hr before? Is it worth my stress?
Enough about my dilemma. I need to call the maintenance guy to fix my sink and get some homework done for once.
Summary: I dig my grandparents. Anyone want to help me pack? I want my boo to come home so I can talk to him about this job. I'm going to make some business cards for spray tanning today.
We picked out some pretty rad stuff:
granite tile counter tops
18" ceramic tile for the floors in the living area, kitchen, and master bath
stainless steel appliances
soft fuzzy carpet for the bedrooms
I'm pretty excited about our brand-spankin-new house.
But....we have to wait until March. For now...we are packing all our mumbo jumbo and moving into the wonderful grandparents house.
There are literally boxes and piles surrounding me right this second. I can't wait to get out of this mess.
By the way...a chiropractor my mom works for offered me a job. I told him ok and then I went home and cried. I had already committed to painting his bathroom yesterday so I showed up in my paint jeans and painted his bathroom and then basically said "Thanks for the job, but no thanks". Today he called my mom and asked what he did to scare me away. He didn't scare me away. I just went home and had one of those meltdowns I have talked about before. Here's why:
I am a full time student and I really need to focus on school. Like for real. I'm taking responsibility for the fact that I have been slacking big time. I would RATHER work than do school, but that's the problem. When I have a job I put all of my effort into it and neglect my school work. I also just spent a pretty penny on a new spray tan machine and have been planning on putting effort into making money doing spray tans. AND we are moving. TWICE. Plus, if we are being honest, the hubs is going to start traveling again for work and I really like going with him. The reason I accepted the job in the first place is because I didn't want to act like a spoiled little kept woman when in reality we could use some extra money.
Now my mom calls me and tells me the guy really wants me to work for him, so what would it take? I told her $15/hr and she laughed at me. Now I'm second guessing myself. I'm worried that even though working today sounds like hell, I might be regretting this decision in a few weeks. Should I take a job for $10/hr. when I was making $13/hr before? Is it worth my stress?
Enough about my dilemma. I need to call the maintenance guy to fix my sink and get some homework done for once.
Summary: I dig my grandparents. Anyone want to help me pack? I want my boo to come home so I can talk to him about this job. I'm going to make some business cards for spray tanning today.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Giggles
I literally just giggled until my eyes watered all by myself. I'm feeling sorry for myself and my sore throat by sitting on the couch watching Ellen. They had audience members dancing to Lady Gaga and it was really the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. Almost as funny as Ben picking up a green snotty tissue out of the back of my car and screeching as he tried to toss it into the trash bag.
Mom-Mom and Grampa are flying in tomorrow to help us make choices in the design center for our new house! Hooray!! What would I do without them? I better clean up my little apartment ASAP....
Mom-Mom and Grampa are flying in tomorrow to help us make choices in the design center for our new house! Hooray!! What would I do without them? I better clean up my little apartment ASAP....
Sunshine & Love for My Birthday
There is sunshine coming in my windows and it's keeping me warm inside. I had a great night last night. It wasn't one of those "oh my goodness last night was fabulous" kind of nights. But what it was might be even better. I had almost twenty people sitting and talking and eating and drinking with me. It was casual and relaxed, and I felt wonderful knowing that I love them and they love me.
Today I am sitting in the warmth of my apartment, surrounded by the disarray of packing and busyness and lack of space. The combination of sunshine and love makes me a little more motivated to fold laundry and pack up pictures and nick knacks.
Today I am sitting in the warmth of my apartment, surrounded by the disarray of packing and busyness and lack of space. The combination of sunshine and love makes me a little more motivated to fold laundry and pack up pictures and nick knacks.
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