A Trip

Since Saturday I have been staying in DC with my in laws. It has been a long week.

We have toured George Washington's house, museum, distillery, and mill. We have walked through the Smithsonian and paid our respects at the WWII Memorial.

This week has made me think about this country in a way that I never have before. It has been thought provoking and has sent me into a tailspin of introspection. I feel a great sense of pride for my country. I am proud to be an American. I am thankful to live in a country that protects my liberty. There are no words to express how thankful I am for those who have lost their lives to protect that freedom.

It has also made me think about the women. Women have been a vital part of history that we don't know much about. They were there, behind the scenes, supporting their husbands through thick and thin. This country wouldn't be where it is now if it weren't for the women who nursed soldiers back to health, mourned the loss of loved ones, cared for their family and their home, and humbly took little or no credit for what they did.

I want to be that support system for my husband. I know he can do great things. I want to be his right hand man, his partner in crime. I don't need credit. His love is enough. I know what I am capable of. I am a great caretaker, a great cook, a maternal figure. I am smart and thoughtful. I'm also awkward...

That is the other reason this week has been long. I have no idea how to interact with my mother in law. We don't understand each other. We don't speak the same figurative language. I try to smile and be pleasant and enjoy her company. It works for a little while but then I get worn down. I don't like being told what to do. I really don't think she realizes that she is completely incapable of suggesting. She bosses. I am a grown woman. I am capable of taking care of myself. I don't need anyone to tell me how to live my life. I have to remind myself that she has good intentions. She has always been that way, and I don't need to be so defensive. It's just hard. I wish she could see what there is to love about me. I think she is baffled as to why her son chose me. I know I'm awkward. I know I don't know all of the ins and outs of social expectations. I don't know what to say most of the time. Sometimes I just want to scream that I took care of myself and my younger siblings. I want to scream that I am independent and smart in different ways that she will never understand.

I will never be Catholic.

I will probably never be a military wife or work for the government.

I will never be "East Coast".

I will never completely understand the high society expectations that she considers common knowledge.

But I will always be...

Loving

Compassionate

A free spirit

A great cook

Creative

Intelligent

Committed

Capable

I hope some day she can past what I'm not and know who I am. I hope some day I can ignore her unintentional jabs and focus on what is so great about her. I know what a great mother she is. She raised the best sons I have ever known. She loves them unconditionally.

I'm working on growing some thicker skin. I want to be the best woman I can be. I want to be the best wife and the best American I can be. I think those are some big shoes to fill.