Patching

I've realized that I was too cocky- too overly confident.
I thought the strong love we have for each other would make us immune to struggles. I thought my better-than-average communication skills would steer us clear of rough waters. I thought what I have learned from others mistakes would be enough.

I was wrong.

I am learning every day. I realized that I sure don't know everything about what it means to be married. I know we have a sturdy foundation, but that doesn't mean that their aren't shallow and superficial cracks sometimes. If we acknowledge them and patch them up then they won't get deeper and more detrimental. Sometimes it's embarrassing when other people notice those little cracks or when they see the evidence of them. Public scuffles and outward frustration are not things I'm proud of. I want everyone to know how much we love each other and how wonderful he is. When they see the yucky stuff it's hard to look past.

But I'm learning.

I'm learning that everyone is learning. No one has it completely figured out. Not even cocky, confident, head-over-heels-in-love me. I'm learning to be more forgiving to others when they aren't perfect, and not to expect perfection of my own relationship.
I didn't think it would be so hard. I didn't think I would ever doubt my strength to overcome those struggles. God restored my strength.

Mike is a wonderful man. When he makes a commitment, he will stick to it no matter what. I could sense that about him when I first started spending time with him. I think that's a big part of why I fell in love with him. I know he will never give up. I know he will never let go. But then I started having a new worry. He will always love me, but does he like me? Does he want to come home to me at the end of the day? Can he look past my moodiness and still see my good side? Am I just a commitment? I was getting really scared and pushing away. It was a crack in our relationship and I was too scared to bring attention to it and patch it up.

Finally it got too deep to ignore. I kept tripping over my insecurity. Finally he noticed. He was brave enough to show me that not only does he love me more than anything, but he also LIKES me. He wants to spend time with me. He wants to wake up next to me. He is thankful every day that he married me. I can't even explain how relieved I am. I can't explain how much it means to me that he realized that I need reminders.

I am so thankful that God humbled me. I am so blessed to have a wonderful man who WANTS to patch up the holes. Today I feel so blessed. I'm grateful to have the love of my husband and the love of my Heavenly Father.