Hope

Yesterday and this morning have been days of hope and faith. There is still fear in the back of my mind but I have managed to push it back so that it can't take over my life and paralyze me.

Yesterday I babysat for a lovely lady named Krista who has a 1 yr. old, an almost 3 yr. old, and a 30 week along bun in the oven. Her lovely kiddos kept me busy all day so that my mind couldn't wander. When Krista got home her kind words fed my hope. She had a similar experience with the love nugget she is carrying right now. Her doctors couldn't find it in her first ultrasound and told her it could be ectopic which would mean the pregnancy would have to be terminated. Obviously everything ended up fine, and she has had a generally healthy pregnancy since then. She told me that all you can do is be happy that you are pregnant today, and not worry about tomorrow. I keep reminding myself of that bit of wisdom. I haven't miscarried yet, so I am happy that I am pregnant today. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I will do my best to leave the worrying to God.

Krista is a strong woman. Her husband is deployed in the desert for the 2nd or 3rd time. It is a year long deployment and he will miss the birth of their 3rd child. His oldest will be almost four when he is home again. She has been raising those beautiful babies on her own, yet she keeps a positive outlook on life. If she can be strong, so can I.

Today I go in for more blood work. I hope that tonight I will be getting a call telling me that my HCG levels have doubled. I hope that on Tuesday there will be something to see on the ultrasound screen. I hope that this was all just an overreaction and that everything is fine. I have faith that God won't give me anything I can't handle, and I am thankful that I have a loving man who will love me and be by my side no matter what happens.