Deployment?

The other day Mike sent me a message asking me if I would mind if he adds his name to a voluntary deployment list. He assured me that in his current position there is little to no chance of being deployed and that even if it did happen it would likely only be 90 days, and in a safe place.

I asked him if we could please have the conversation face to face when he gets home. He agreed. Well, we both forgot about the conversation and then I later found out that he went ahead and added himself to the list without discussing it with me any further.

I'm not sure how to feel about this. I totally understand that there are many brave people deployed throughout the world right now who are in much worse conditions. 90 days seems like nothing when compared to the year deployment that Mike's cousin is serving in Afghanistan right now. And fr all I know he could be deployed to Iowa or Italy. It could really be anywhere.

But 90 days!? That's a long time. I don't want him to be gone for that long. There are two huge reasons why. Number 1, I am starting to get the baby itch. Dealing with a pregnancy or lack thereof and then getting the news that he is leaving would not be fun. Number 2, I just got a new job so in the case that it was a place I could go with him, I would have to stay here anyway.

I know a family who had to go through most of her pregnancy and the birth of her son without her husband because he was in the desert. My heart broke for her. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or spoiled. I know I could do it if I have to, I just don't really want to.

Mike's family always says that it takes a certain kind of woman to be a military wife. I don't really agree. I think it's about choices. Some women choose to leave their husbands while they are deployed. Some women choose to blame their husbands. Some women choose not to deal with all of the hardship that comes with the territory of being the wife a military man.

I want to be the woman who would choose to make it work, I'm just not sure I want to do it if we don't have to.

Or maybe I'm just mad that he didn't talk to me about it first,